Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Am I Going Nuts??

It is currently 11:29 p.m. and in just a few short hours, our plane leaves for Houston and, ultimately Mexico. I should be in bed but I am finding myself in an unexpected situation where I am second guessing our decision to take this vacation.

The reason why I think I may be going insane is that Bryan and I have talked about going back to Mexico for almost four years. It's something we've worked really hard to make happen and I've been looking forward to it for what seems like forever. It will provide us with some much-needed relaxation and time together without the stress of our every day lives.

So, why the doubts? One word--Jonathan. This little guy has been the highlight of my life from the moment I knew of his existence (which was pretty darn early because I am a planner and I knew I was pregnant two weeks into it). I KNOW my mother is incredible and that she would rather cut off an arm than to allow anything to happen to Jonathan. I KNOW that he will be completely OK without his mommy for five days.

The problem is that I don't know that I will be. Jonathan is so entwined in me and who I am as a person that I feel so odd to think about this separation. Although I've been away from Jonathan on short trips, an overnight has been about the extent of it. Even though I know this trip will be so helpful to my relationship with Bryan, I feel incredibly sad when I think about getting on that plane in the morning. I guess all this is just hitting me last minute and I just didn't see it coming! My mother and Bryan and Jonathan (0f course) are already in bed and as I was brushing my teeth I totally started crying.

Honestly, I do think that Bryan and I will have a wonderful time, I just had no idea that it would be physically painful to be separated from my baby. I'm sure some of y'all out there have felt the same way, right?? Anyway, I definitely feel better getting that off my chest. I think Bryan would think that it was silly and I would probably have made my mom cry, so it's actually probably better that they are already in bed. I promise to do my next post on a more upbeat note as I am certain my outlook on everything will have completely changed by then!


Twin Mommy Law Chick said...

Jennifer- do not feel bad. I completely get where you’re coming from. I’ve only left my kids overnight twice, 2 nights each time. Once for a seminar for work, and once for the Sugar Bowl. I felt awful each time, but you know what? They couldn’t have cared less. I think it’s really hard for people like us who work more than we think we should a lot of the time, and feel like we never get enough time with them. But you also have to take care of YOURSELF. I think you’ll come back refreshed with more energy for Jonathan, and he’ll have a great vacation with the grandparents!

supermommysquared said...

You aren't nuts and I totally agree with Andrea. Have fun and enjoy the beautiful beach! By the way, I am so jealous!!! :) Love you and have fun!

Wendy said...

Oh How I hope you have fun!! I am sure this is a much needed vacation. I left for my first "child-less" vacation in January, and my oldest is six, so I totally know how you feel. I cried alot, and called them every day while I was there (A $200 cell phone bill- OUCH!) I missed them terribly, but my husband and I really needed it, and we are glad we did it. We had a great time and want to plan one for next year too!! So, go have fun, and can't wait to hear from you when you get back!!

Alicia said...

Hey Jennifer! Wow, was I surprised to hear from you! Your little boy is precious! Isn't is crazy to see where 10 yrs have taken us all?!

Also, I agree with everyone else. You need to take care of yourself. Happy babies come from happy mommies, you know. Hope you have fun in Mexico. Be sure to post pics when you get back!