It is currently 11:29 p.m. and in just a few short hours, our plane leaves for Houston and, ultimately Mexico. I should be in bed but I am finding myself in an unexpected situation where I am second guessing our decision to take this vacation.
The reason why I think I may be going insane is that Bryan and I have talked about going back to Mexico for almost four years. It's something we've worked really hard to make happen and I've been looking forward to it for what seems like forever. It will provide us with some much-needed relaxation and time together without the stress of our every day lives.
So, why the doubts? One word--Jonathan. This little guy has been the highlight of my life from the moment I knew of his existence (which was pretty darn early because I am a planner and I knew I was pregnant two weeks into it). I KNOW my mother is incredible and that she would rather cut off an arm than to allow anything to happen to Jonathan. I KNOW that he will be completely OK without his mommy for five days.
The problem is that I don't know that I will be. Jonathan is so entwined in me and who I am as a person that I feel so odd to think about this separation. Although I've been away from Jonathan on short trips, an overnight has been about the extent of it. Even though I know this trip will be so helpful to my relationship with Bryan, I feel incredibly sad when I think about getting on that plane in the morning. I guess all this is just hitting me last minute and I just didn't see it coming! My mother and Bryan and Jonathan (0f course) are already in bed and as I was brushing my teeth I totally started crying.
Honestly, I do think that Bryan and I will have a wonderful time, I just had no idea that it would be physically painful to be separated from my baby. I'm sure some of y'all out there have felt the same way, right?? Anyway, I definitely feel better getting that off my chest. I think Bryan would think that it was silly and I would probably have made my mom cry, so it's actually probably better that they are already in bed. I promise to do my next post on a more upbeat note as I am certain my outlook on everything will have completely changed by then!
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